So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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