but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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