tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
