it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize