he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I party with great urgency now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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