Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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