WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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