phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
