Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
