finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
