So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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