Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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