I want to have your abortion
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
