Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
