I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
