All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
