oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
