Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
