$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
