Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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