those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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