I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
