I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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