What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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