I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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