my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
