Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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