Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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