no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
