Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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