once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
