Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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