You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Still dying that you shit outside
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
