I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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