But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
