He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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