my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
