tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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