I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize