ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
