chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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