he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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