It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
