i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
