I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize