i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
