hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
why is half of my head shaved?
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