I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
