Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
