Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
