You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
