My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
