batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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