i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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