You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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