he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your penis caused this!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
