She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
