so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
