My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
