I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
