Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
