I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
