my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
