wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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