Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize