Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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