just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize