Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
