Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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