New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
