he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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