Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
