happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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