can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
