Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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