what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize