actually, I'm a sock model
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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