i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
