I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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