I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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