Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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