Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
