The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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