I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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