It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
