worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
