If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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