Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
