anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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