i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
tell me about the fingering
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