i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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