so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
