She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
