I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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