I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
