Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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