ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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