I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
