Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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