I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
