One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
