Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Farmville is her only friend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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