I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
