I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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