Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
