I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
