Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
