Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
