you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
