so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
