i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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