My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
