God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
