I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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